ASC.EDU – Mike Deville Ph.D.

SHORT REPORT this week, gang. My final semester at Camp Alfred is a busy one. First, I’m getting a dual major, history and business, with a minor in court reporting. I know, it sounds a little ‘balkanized,’ right? (Hey, being a history major teaches you some new words….I’m just sayin’.) Anywho, this ‘history-business-court reporting’ major is driving me crazy some weeks. But I figure this degree will prepare me to investigate and report on corruption in business and government for decades to come, unless, of course, O’bama is reelected and ends all corruption in business and government. But that’s not the biggest thing going on in Dr. Deville’s life. Last week the college president called me to his office for a private meeting. BTW, if you haven’t been to the college president’s office, here’s a tip: it’s sort of like a religious experience! There’s a feeling of peace and tranquility that fills the office from the moment you walk in. Maybe it’s the sunlight reflecting off the polished mahogany laminate furniture. Maybe it’s the collection of Japanese Kabuki art. Maybe it’s just WETD constantly playing softly in the background, but visiting that office will change your life. Personally, I always fast for three days before I even call his secretary to make an appointment. So I walked in, totally prepared to hear the president tell me how much he’ll miss having Mike Deville at Camp Alfred once I graduate in May. I had my most gracious, ‘aw shucks’ gestures all ready to use, the ones I learned in my communication-in-the-workplace class and used whenever I met with my advisors over the years. (It worked, too.) Instead, the president leaned over his desk, looked me in the eyes, and said, “Deville, we’ve got a problem, and you’re it!” I slumped back down in my chair and waited for the rest. Long story short, the college wants to name something on campus for me to remind everyone that I finally graduated. The problem is they can’t decide what to put my name on. E.J. Brown Hall is already named after Jeremiah Brown or something like that. I think he settled Alfred or maybe he built Alfred’s first stereo store, one of those…. Hunter Student Development Center is already taken, named for John O. Hunter, another early settler in Alfred. MacKenzie is, well, MacKenzie. I’m not sure who MacKenzie was, but he/she must have been a very confused individual, judging from how easy it is to get lost in there. I hear a couple of freshmen from 1984 are in there somewhere and presumed lost. The college keeps billing them for each semester, which just doesn’t seem fair, but hey, this is New York State! Deal with it! I hear you all saying, “Deville! The obvious choice is CDH! They should change the name of CDH to Deville Dining Hall, DDH.” And I know what you’re saying, guys. I’ve spent my years here praising CDH “All-U-Can-Eat” meals. I’ve probably gained and lost the same 10 pounds a dozen times just from their pizza bar alone. (If I ever get to Heaven, it better include an ‘All-U-Can-Eat’ pizza bar or I’m turning around and leaving!) So renaming CDH for Mike Deville would be a great way for Camp Alfred to say “Thanks, Mike, for spending about $250,000 in room, meals, and tuition over the years.” But as a great philosopher once said, “You can’t always get what you want.” The decision is really up to the college president and his generals. But there is a little something YOU can do to help make ‘Deville Dining Hall’ a reality. The next time you see someone who looks like an administrator or even someone with mahogany laminate office furniture, just smile nicely and say “DDH?” Together, we can make “Deville Dining Hall” a reality. Start practicing now. “DDH! DDH! DDH!” I can feel the vibe growing….


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