Mike Deville Ph.D.
Warning: New freshmen should NOT read this column. Step away from the keyboard, please. Go back to texting your HS friends or whatever….
OK, now that the fresh ones are all busy texting about nothing, let’s us ‘seasoned’ veterans of the Camp Alfred experience converse for a couple of minutes.
First, welcome back, etc. Long, hot summer, blah, blah. You’re happy to be back to GJ Land and Terra Cotta and the ‘Jet. Me, too. Maybe you’re in your second year or maybe it’s your fifth year, like me. Maybe you got lucky and picked the “right major” the first time, or maybe you’ve changed majors every year, like me. (Now you understand the ‘fifth year’ thing….) But we’re all back at Camp Alfred for another round, so learn to LOVE IT!
And I think we all agree we’re here at Camp Alfred for a good time. If, along the way, we learn some stuff that we can use in life, like for getting an actual job, that’s cool. But really, life is short, so let the good times roll.
BTW, regarding “let the good times roll,” Obama will be reelected and everything will be all right. He’s got a plan to fix the economy, and he just needs a little more time, about four years, to make his plan work. I might say more about the election later, but trust me, everything will be ALL RIGHT soon. By the time you graduate there will be jobs and you probably will get one. Meanwhile, just relax and be sure to vote for Obama as often as possible.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, the world will NOT end in 2012. Last semester a few of my friends here blew off the semester and “earned” an F in all of their classes, figuring if the world was ending later this year, why waste those precious months studying….
Their logic was almost perfect, but their facts were all screwed up. Actually, THEIR WORLD will end in 2012, every night, on the late shift at one of Rochester’s finest fast food establishments, Five Guys. They should have taken the college’s popular Critical Thinking class instead of Cartoon Animation for Dummies.
But enough about last semester. As my first advisor used to say, back in the day when I was a new Humanities major and Bush the Second was president, “It’s a whole new semester, Deville. USE IT!” She could pack a lot of wisdom in a few words. But I guess one time she packed a few too many words and sent them to the college president a few years ago. She disappeared. But that’s a story for another time.
Anyway, I’m taking up your valuable time, time you could be using to party. Let’s just say “have a good semester” and leave it at that. I’ll be back next week with some great news about the new diet I actually lived on all summer. Here’s a hint: coffee, bagels, and beans. Hey, don’t judge it till you’ve tried it!
I’ll also update you on how I became a licensed private investigator over the summer. Caught you by surprise there, didn’t I? Long story short, I found a “school” on the internet, Privatedick.com, that trained me to be a private investigator in only two weeks. Two weeks later and $24.95 poorer, I became Mike Deville, PI.
And Camp Alfred is the perfect place for me to start putting my new investigation skills to work. This place is over flowing with questions, like what is that new place next to Terra Cotta? Will it be a bar? An OTB parlor? A strip club? Here’s another question: who has the best coffee in town, the ‘Jet, TC, or Uncle Alfred? And is there a real ‘Gentleman Jim’ in Alfred or did they just make up that name?
Whatever hand this new semester deals us, let’s play it to the max. Shoot the moon and see you soon!